Lead by Listening

by Emily Tuckness

Think about someone who has been a mentor, leader or role model to you. What was it that set them apart as a leader? I believe a lot of us would say they listened. Being heard makes us feel cared for and valued.  

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak”

James 1:19 

If you are like me, you have heard this verse a lot in your life—be quick to listen and slow to speak. This is something that I did poorly when I was a teenager. I was a terrible listener. I wanted to jump in, take charge and tell people what to do. I interrupted conversations to tell MY stories. I wanted to be heard, to be noticed. Scripture says, “to answer before listening is faulty and shame” Proverbs 18:13.

After I graduated high school, I went to a gap year program and while there, my RA told me to be quiet and listen. That was hard to hear. But God is good. He used that RA in my life to help me learn how to listen. Ever since then I’ve been on a journey of trying to understand and listen. Not just jump in and cut in but hear what other people have to say. To be respectful of their time and getting to know them for who they are and not make hasty conclusions.   

When you listen, you can understand a person’s desires. It gives you the opportunity as a leader to give them more responsibility, to encourage them, and challenge them in different ways. Listening has become one of my favorite tools as a leader. Again, being heard makes us feel valued and cared for just like God hears us. 

Proverbs 15:29 The Lord is far from the wicked, 
    but he hears the prayer of the righteous.

Psalms 18:6 In my distress I called to the Lord; 
    I cried to my God for help. 
From his temple he heard my voice; 
    my cry came before him, into his ears.

The Lord hears our prayers. Over and over again we cry out to God to hear our prayers, and he listens. He listens to me and to you. Every time I let him down, every time I am rude or cut in, every time I sin, He still listens, He still cares, and He will forgive. God is the ultimate example of someone who listens and makes people feel heard and valued. That being said, if God is continuing to listen to you after sinning over and over again, why aren’t we doing the same to those around us? 

I challenge you to start small. Ask yourself, “Do I need to share this right now? Am I focusing on what this person is saying?” Don’t just react or respond. In the middle of listening, it’s okay to pray and ask the Lord for guidance and wisdom on how He wants you to handle the conversation at hand. When we invite Jesus in—life gets a lot easier. Even when we’re listening ask Him to help you listen. Ask Him to calm your heart and slow your mind. I do that a lot and that’s okay. As long as we are striving for the goal of understanding, encouraging, listening, and loving those in front of us, we are striving to be like Christ.